It's Not Enough

So, I have a job now. I work as a Paraeducator for Granite School district, at Crestview Elementary, in the Special Ed. department. It is a job, I get paid, it keeps me busy, it helps financially, and it is not enough. It is not enough just to pay the bills. It is not enough to just get by. It is not enough to just do something, anything to get by. I am ok, but I am not happy. I am not joyful, I am not excited, passionate, fulfilled. These are things that are important to me. I must make a change. Admittedly I don't really want to. I don't want to push myself. I don't want to get off the couch and do something about it. I want to go on vacation and just sleep for a week. I cannot believe life has become so dull and lifeless. And that my health is still not where I have been promised it would be. There has to be more than this. There has to be.