Healing

After a little over a year and a half the vertigo was still a problem. Where were the promises of healing? They had been numerous and yet here I was, still spinning, still dealing with brain fog so thick it was literally a battle to get through every day. As I continued to pray, and read  and listen to Brother Stroud's podcasts I began to get a sense that I needed to a special blessing to cast out some unclean spirits. Was I being over dramatic? Was this real? I felt the need to call Chris and as we chatted I told her what I was thinking and she was able to confirm that I was headed in the right direction. As we began to make plans for the blessing it was as if her voice became very faint and far away. I could barely hear her well enough to end the call. For me it was a confirmation that the adversary was involved and it was time to take care of the root of the problem. 

On October 29th Eric and I went to Chris and Carl's home. The whole way down I prayed. I told Heavenly Father whatever happened, (whether this worked or not) I would stay strong and be accepting. With Carl and Dan taking the lead and Eric joining in I received a blessing that cleared out unclean spirits that I think had been plaguing me for a long time. When we were done I noticed immediately the spinning stopped and the brain fog lifted. I still had healing to do but I now felt like the way had been cleared so I could heal. 

Chris had explained radiant circuits to me and how they worked. That they are directed by our thoughts for healing. She told me to use this to continue to heal. Using imaging, and thoughts in this manner were not new to me and I was happy and excited to try. The next night or so after my blessing I started. It was as if my body was a circuit board and I would run a cord of light up and down my body. After completing several courses I began to feel a sensation in my right temple. It was as if someone was dislodging a big screw. This changed to a feeling of something like a long wire that had been over tightened being extracted. This went on for what felt like several minutes. It didn't hurt, and I was not afraid. Eric came into the room to get something and I heard a voice say, "Don't talk and don't move, you don't want to interrupt this process." The next thing I remembered was waking up the next morning. I was awake for a few minutes before I remembered what had happened. Then everything came back and I was shocked at what had happened! I wondered if maybe I had dreamed it, but then I clearly remembered Eric coming in and knew I had been awake. When I told Chris she said sometimes the work that needs to be done is very delicate and angels of light must step in and told me of an experience Vicki had. I have had similar experiences twice since on the left side of my head, much less intense. 

A couple of weeks went by and I could feel I was better but STILL not completely healed and I was becoming discouraged again. I remembered Chris saying that there would still be healing, but to heal fast! So I prayed on how to do that. The answer was you must go deeper! So that night when I imagined my radiant circuit I saw it digging much deeper, like it was cutting through a thick layer of dark matter and carving out new paths much more intensely than before. I then would take a leaf blower type contraption and blow the debris away and through a vacuum in the back of my head and out into the air where it would evaporate. After doing this a few minutes it was as if I stepped back and could see myself from a short distance. I could see my body releasing infection through my eyes (I know, weird) that would start as like pus and then turn really dark and ended up looking almost like a plant with roots. This happened two or three times. Again, I was not frightened, and there was no pain, just pretty disgusting. The next day I could tell I had increased energy and I felt better. I am still using this and healing but feel like I will yet get to 100% very soon.

Recently LDS services came to our ward and talked about mental health issues. I began to remember when all of this started. We were struggling financially, terribly. We had been through Nick's illness, I was RS President and extremely unhappy working with a new Bishop. I had been President almost exactly a year and one day while praying the spirit let me know I had some repenting to do. People I needed to apologize to, (my Bishop and his wife for starters), and a change of attitude. I did exactly as the spirit directed and felt lighter and happier than I had in a long time. I was excited to start over, be better in my calling and do the Lord's work. The, very, next, day was when I was hit with the vertigo and my life, figuratively and literally spun out of control. This began a period in my life like no other. Thoughts of suicide, darkness, extreme guilt, hopelessness, doubting God's very existence. And I could not understand why. Why was I hit at the time when I was just beginning to feel like I understood and was trying to do better. I had always felt like at the point the vertigo hit I had broken. But that day, a voice came to me that said, "You didn't break, you were broken, and it was done on purpose." That was incredible to me. But finally made sense of what happened. 

There are so many blessings that have come through all of this. Meeting Chris, working with the Lord, being blessed just at the time I didn't think I could go any further with my Bishop having boundary changes and starting over with a new Bishop in a new ward. Learning about things I never dreamed existed. Forming ideas about doing aftercare for children rescued from slavery. None of this would have come to me if not for this challenging season. 

I know that God lives. I know that healing comes from light and the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that bad times and illness are seasons and not life sentences. I know that Father loves me and I am important to Him. I know that He was watching over my family and me even when I was positive He had abandoned me forever. I have more love and compassion than ever before for those suffering and struggling. I still have a long way to go, a long way to go but I am stronger and on more solid ground than when this started. I still wait for complete healing and like the Carly Simon song, "I look forward to looking back from further on down the track." But I am happy, and see and feel a magnificent future coming to us and for this I am deeply grateful.

That is all. 
Update: Now I use what looks like a shower head that produces light. If I have an area where I have pain or other problems I run the "shower" over it and I have had healing come over and over. Sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes time. I also use my "love touch", putting my hand over the area that is afflicted and repeating "love" over and over. This in conjunction with the "light" has been very effective. 

"Some days I amaze myself, other days I put my keys in the fridge"