More thoughts.....

 Dear Vicki,

I had some more thoughts after the "Opposition"  piece that you sent me.

When I was in CT, sick, and laying in bed all day because I was really too sick to do anything but let my thoughts run rampant, I realized how badly I still view myself, talk to myself, and ultimately allow satan to influence me. 

So we hear, "You cannot Love others unless you Love yourself." And of course I'm thinking, "Whoa. Can't I just bypass myself on this one and love others without having to deal with me?!"

I have come to the conclusion that perhaps, to a certain degree, but it will only be to the degree that I Love myself. And I can only forgive others to the degree I forgive myself. And that is substandard at best. And besides, I want to Love and forgive and be as much like Jesus as possible. So I can't just skip over myself. (I think Father did this on purpose, darn it.) I have to deal with myself, forgive myself, and, I hate to say it, Love myself if I want to be a true disciple of Christ and be influenced by Him, and stop falling under the influence of the adversary. Because the truth is, that is  what I am doing each time I fall into the trap of self doubt, despair, unforgiveness towards self, and self hate. 

So, I obviously have work to do, and I suspect it will be a lifelong endeavor. Oh joy. 

But on the other hand, whatever has to be done to grow closer and be more like Jesus, is, as always, well worth the fight. 

Happiness and blessings to you and yours,

Laurie