Dear Phil,
You have been gone from us now for 8 weeks. Interestingly it is more painful now than ever. I think it is because the ability to cry decreases daily but the loneliness deepens. I constantly wonder how I am going to endure without you in the world. "When one person is missing, the whole world feels empty." I often feel sad I took your presence so for granted, and yet also knowing that we can't constantly live on the edge of awareness that we are all here for a limited amount of time. We can't sustain that heightened level of knowledge. It just wouldn't work. But oh how I often wish I could go back to my first week in Chicago, when you were still alive and I could go to your room any time I wanted and we could talk. This is such a deep and soul penetrating sorrow, such as I have never known. Sometimes so much so I am physically weak from it, and ache uncontrollably. But the loneliness, that is the emotion I dread the most. Thinking about things from the past, our past. When we were kids in Morton, going to school on the bus in the morning, Halloweens, games with Jackie at the house. So many things. I miss you everyday. Everyday.
Love,
Lo
Sign on a vending machine:
"The light inside is broken, but I still work" Yes. I know how you feel.
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